On Friendship

I loved Autumn Kern’s & Lauren Washer’s thoughts recently on doing life in community, with friends who are walking with you and know the real you, not the one online. If you haven’t read those posts, go find them. Beautiful and true.
But what if you are like me, starting all over finding community? What if you are grieving the loss of your last precious community? What if church life looks very different than it did before? No small groups or Bible studies in place? What if people around you speak a language you can only speak very brokenly? What if most of the people you know are moving away soon?
I cried yesterday listening to the last Out of the Ordinary podcast episode on Friendship Hacks (so so good – give it a listen!!). The topic of friendship & community is so raw for me these days. It is full of grief & longing; perplexity & questions. This new season is so counterintuitive for us because we have never crossed the bridge of language with a family before.
I offer you what I am learning in this new season:
  • Grieve with Christ. As often as you need to, go to Him with your heart in pieces and full of longing.
  • Pray. Ask for friends. Ask the Lord that out of the friendship He has with you, you would be a friend to others. Receive His grace to welcome others before others welcome you.
  • Initiate, initiate, initiate. Send a text, invite someone over, invite yourself over, bake cupcakes – take them to your neighbor. Ask how you can pray. Make a meal for a family. Invite someone to pray together. Invite friends to the movies with you and your kids. Don’t get discouraged if none of them can make it.
  • Be patient. It might take time before the seeds of friendship bloom…but just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean they are not growing.
  • Expect God to surprise you. An older sister – and not a peer – might end up becoming a close friend. A friend that speaks another language than yours might be a sweet companion and sister in the Lord. Over time, that friendship will grow stronger as your language grows. At least, it’s what I am praying for.😉
  • Be transparent with others. Share what God is teaching you.
I am sowing seeds of community, fiercely hoping in the Triune God who is a community and who creates community. I am praying against the cynicism that seems near – the one that thinks this isolation is how it will always be. That knowing and be known just won’t happen here.
I look at Christ’s relentlessness in pursuing His friends, even when they fell asleep, and left Him in his hardest moment. He wasn’t ruled by cynicism. His hope for them in God was firm. He loved them till the end.
He gave His life to create true, lasting community. His blood has welcomed me to the community of the Trinity.
And because His blood also binds me to my brothers and sisters, maybe what Lisa Jo Baker said is not too good to be true: “Some of our best friends are here. We just don’t know it yet.”
But we will never find out if we give up loving others and welcoming them as Christ has welcomed us.

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